Difficult to Love

I've been hurt too many times
So afraid to give my best
'Cause everytime I give my all
I end up regretting it
My heartbreak has turned into
Useless, stupid, foolish pride
If I get hurt once again
I think I'll end up dying
Baby tell me it's okay
Say I can believe in you
Tell me you will not end up
Making me feel like a fool
I want to take that giant leap
Jump without a parachute
Fall into the unknown
And end up in-love with you
But what if you don't catch me
Leave me broken on the ground
Heart shattered into pieces
I don't want to be let down
So I pretend that I don't care
Put a shield around my heart
Give you nothing to discover
Hoping I don't fall apart
If I told you the truth
You would still think it's a lle
When I'm trying to be real
You'll end up questioning why
When the answer is so simple
But easier said than done
I no longer want to be
So difficult to love

The Time is Now

I'm trying not to be discouraged by what I see in my community, but it's quite clear that things are not as they should or even could be. I hear that I am an idealistic person and that I'm not grounded in reality because the world is not going to be the way that I believe it should be, but to me, right is right and wrong is wrong. Even when I do wrong, I am honest with myself, even when it hurts. On top of that, I try my best to rectify the situation. With that being said, I am beginning to come to the sad realization that many of my people are raised to fail.

It's not as if we want to fail, no one in their right minds wants to fail. The issue is, we are either afraid to succeed or believe that success will always elude us. From hand me downs to handouts, many of us don't completely understand the importance of getting our own. Sometimes, we walk around throwing a pity party for ourselves believing that someone owes us something. The fact of the matter is that no one owes us anything and that nothing is promised to us, we have to want it badly enough to get it ourselves.

We are never going to recieve forty acres and a mule until we change our mentality regarding what we have to do in order to get those forty acres and so on so forth. We have to work for it. There is no other way around it. We have to let go of, not forget the wrongs that were committed towards us in the past, especially if it's not helping us get to where we want to be in the future. What's the use of dwelling on something that we can't change?

Let's quit dwelling on the problem and let's start focusing on the solution. Let's stop finger pointing and start brainstorming. Let's stop wasting precious time and resources and start using everything we have to get what we want in life. The future is here, the time is now.

Wake Up and Pay Attention

If you tryna make bucks and relying on luck
You'll be broke for the rest of your life
'Cause ain't no such thing as
Free unearned cash
Everything has a price even your rights
Why should I depend on the pleasures of men
When their pleasure brings pain to my soul
It's extremely hard to be a shining star
When the world we live in is so cold
But let's get back to the money 'cause only a dummy
Believe they can operate without cash
'Cause if you don't write, sign or cut the check
You'll be paying with ass or gas
It took blood sweat and tears for me to get here
Nobody ever gave me nothing but trouble
And when I got depressed and my life was a mess
Most of my "folks" only made my strife double
The code of the street would be cool for me
If I was tryna exist or make a dollar
But me myself I'm working toward wealth
So I only live by the code of the white collar
In my mind, ain't enough time
To do what needs to be done
And personally I believe, running the streets
Is a race toward a cage or a gun

The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Video)

Come Back to Yourself

I looked at your smile and saw hope
i looked in your eyes and saw pain
a past that memories wouldn't let you erase
a present your past wouldn't let you escape
and my heart went out to you

At that very moment I saw in you what you did not
i saw in you what you shielded from the world
i saw the child you wanted to be
and the grown-up you were forced to become
it hurt me to know that sacred part of you
was gone before you even knew what it was

Despite objections I drew close to you
defended you from insults and accusations
no one ever gave you the chance
to realize you were a rose
more precious than the gold
or the VVS'es you cherished

Instead people used you
mislead you
in turn you mislead me
and I lost myself in your despair
narrowly escaping the entrapment of sorrow
that causes many women to forget their power
and the strength of their resiliency

My childhood dream was to save the world
from wretchedness and misdirection
to see love and harmony working together
ultimately causing joy
not just the pursuit of happiness
but pure elation

Now, I have realized
this world is not mine to save
and I am only responsible for my own soul
an old soul inherited from the struggles of past generations
a soul constantly hoping for a brighter tomorrow

For a moment I became everyone else
and turned my back on a flower waiting for the sun
what was done is done
i do not hate you
nor dislike you
i will always love you
waiting
on the woman God has destined for you to become

Finally Here

I've been hurt
but I won't let it change me
control my mind
and rearrange me
it's hard but I will keep on pressing on

Down this road
i've kissed many toads
in my quest for love
and something real
but I've always known a prince will come along



I pray to God
to keep me safe
from all the monsters
and the snakes
So I can recieve what he has in store

There was a time
when my impatience
brought me to
some tribulations
But I know the one is worth waiting for

Won't have to search
or impress
at my worse
he'll see my best
And pick me up whenever I fall

Under God
we'll share this love
climb mountains
to the stars above
and with God we'll make sure to give our all

Don't think I know u
but I already love you
don't think I've met u
but I already care
You're in my heart now and forever I'll make sure that you stay right there

Materialze
before my eyes
and there will be
no more goodbyes
I can't wait until you are finally here

Such A Fool

You saw another stupid girl you could lead on a string
and feed with your surplus of lies
Devotion to you at that time didn't exist
just deception and alibis
You played me neglected the fact that I loved you
it stared u right in your eyes
Instead of acknowledging the way I felt
you left and never said goodbye
Well I must admit I was never stupid
i knew your tricks better than you
I was so in-love it just didn't matter
what you said or decided to do
Pleasing you pleased me but when you left
felt like all of it was in vain
So many things that I kept inside
seems like all you knew was my name
Never knew that
i had many dreams
for our plans ahead
Never knew that
i longed to at least
spend just one night sleep in your bed
Never knew that I
wanted your arms wrapped around me
for you to ask about my dreams
All you knew was
what I wanted you to see
it was just an image of me
So afraid of you hurting me
i refused to let you in
and now look at us
no mess no fuss
not even merely distant friends

You saw someone
who loved you down good
someone that you rarely thought of
Someone you never imagined
was filled to the brim with unconditional pure love
What I saw was my future
you saw the present
and inevitably your past
I should have known
we were all wrong
and it wasn't meant to last



Such a Fool

Hide it in a Book

I think about my life and the rapture of dispair
wondering has there ever been someone who has cared
about the solitary tear threatening to leave my eye
when another soul has to say goodbye
i realize
Excuses are just a waste of time
robbing us of the ability to notice everything that's got us blind
I heard a old man say to a crook
if you wanna hide something just put it in a book
Education feeds
my desire to get higher
in a world that always has me under fire
I'll be the one
to sacrafice to move mountains and push hills
i find it difficult to reveal the way that I feel
When every body wants me to feel the same way
so they don't feel threatened by the things I have to say
Beating me with their insults and insecurities
never knowing there's a warrior just fighting to be free
Please don't censor me
i think deep
'cause shallow thinkin
can get u snuffed out while ur in ur sleep
This cannot be
present can't be the future Malcolm envisioned
when there's less black men in school than in prison
Where are the heroes
courageous minds
that would rather fight the system
than to kill their own kind
Don't wanna lose hope
from what I see
so I'll press on
with a hero living in me

Love at first Sight

I look at you and think of beauty my eyes have never beheld
An oasis in a lonely desert
A vision of my deepest desire
I wish that I could touch the silk that is your hair
And kiss the heart that is your perfect lips
If the Mona Lisa was a man it would be you
A portrait of love a painting ment to be treasured
A song that never ends that I never tire of singing
Before you uttered a word in my direction my heart was already yours
And now your voice haunts me
Memories of your face taunting me
The sweet tourture of unpredictable love unnerves me
And places a thousand butterflies in my stomach when you are near
I want to make sweet love to you
And kiss parts of your body you never knew existed
Awakening your errogenous zones
Breathing life into your unknown spots
A candle lit for every fire you ignite in me
Every movement of our bodies a slow tango of ecstacy
Shadows of our dance covering the wall
A projection of our pleasure in such a sensual fashion
Let me taste the nectar of your soul
And give you the power of my being
If I never believed love at first sight existed
That all ended when I laid eyes on you